I was looking around today and I noticed something: people look weird. Out of all the people wandering around today, I think there was something odd about every person. Some had on weird clothes, some had big noses or strange hair.
These idiosyncrasies, the odd gestures, the new phrases we use, accents we put on to fit in with a new crowd, the trending fashion, the “I’m different I hope nobody notices” attempts we make to fit in while everybody’s too caught up in themselves to even notice you… it’s a fraud. We try so hard to be ourselves by fitting in. It just doesn’t make sense.
The most striking thing was that most people looked tragically fat, slow, dumb and unenthusiastic.
This idea of “normal” doesn’t seem achievable. Not the “normal” we see on TV and in Coke commercials anyway.
There was no spark.
I know, they add that shit in with special effects on telly, but in real life you can see that spark inside someone.
For just so many people, it’s not there… not in any noticeable way.
But nobody can be “in the zone” their entire life, right? Perhaps my expectations are too high? Maybe it’s unrealistic/unreasonable for me to want to see some LIFE in the people around me once in a while?
Then I considered myself… and this is the scary part.
Where’s my spark? Where’s my Coke commercial life?
I know it’s in there. In fact, I can find it when I need to. But usually it’s kept hidden, safe and sound so I can protect it from criticism or rejection. Maybe my joke won’t get a laugh? (that actually happens a lot you humourless bastards) Maybe my project won’t be a success? I’ll just save it up for when I need to recharge after a failure. It’s in there… the accumulation of successes that I have… the feelings of love from past relationships… but we wouldn’t want to get it out all the time because we’d wear it out… or perhaps we’d shine too brightly and that kinda scares people away. People get scared of that passion & enthusiasm that comes with living… really living.
But I guess they don’t want a reminder of what they’re too scared to do either.
So… we walk around with our heads down, our headphones on and seclude ourselves in our safe space. Something familiar, like the tunes we used to listen to growing up, or the movies we loved, exclaiming: “They just don’t make em like they used to”. We’re ageing prematurely.
I listen to Satriani… he’s one of the only artists from my past that doesn’t make me sad. 80’s rock ballads are a no-go zone, that’s for sure. I know enough to know that I don’t want to wallow about in those feelings any more.
So the juggle continues. Stay safe, but forge ahead. Shine, but not too bright. Save, but invest. Work, but not too hard. Be passionate, but not eccentric.
And this is how we exist. Something, but nothing… until somebody breaks free and does an amazing thing and we cheer! Then go back to our lives wishing it was us but never changing.
So yeah, what’s up with that eh?